Henri Nouwen and His Ministry of Companioning with Wil Hernandez Part IV
Nouwen as a Spiritual Mentor
Henri Nouwen was a good friend to many people and a close friend to a number of special individuals. As well, he is considered by many as their spiritual guide even today. To a select few, Nouwen was both a friend to those he guided and a guide to those he befriended. There were also those who looked to Nouwen as their spiritual mentor. Indeed he did not just serve as a friend and guide to many: he mentored specific people in specific ways as well.
People were drawn to Henri Nouwen for the wealth of wisdom and experience he possessed. For his part, Nouwen was only too willing and eager to share his insights and gifts with those seeking him out for spiritual help. It was in his very nature to always seek to bring out the best in people. Somehow people picked up that bent of his that is why they came to him wanting to learn.
“How can I help you get to where you are going?” was exactly the kind of question Henri Nouwen would ask the individuals to whom he ministered. His aim was always that people might be freed to be who they were called to be. Herein lies the heart of a real guide and mentor, one of selfless giving for the others’ sake. It is said that a good mentor releases the mentoree to be his or her own person, empowering them to live out their true identity and calling. Nouwen lived such characteristic well for he was definitely not after advancing his own agenda. On the contrary, he was always committed to empowering others.
Henri Nouwen’s mentoring style rested firmly on the foundation of relationship. Spiritual theologian James Houston affirms this vital foundation by emphasizing that “spiritual mentors matter most when the spiritual life is centered upon spiritual friendships.” To Joe Vorstermans, who spent ten years working with Nouwen at L’Arche Daybreak, Nouwen was definitely a mentor-friend with whom he experienced a genuinely nurturing and caring relationship that he never once felt toward his earthly father. When asked to identify Nouwen’s influence upon him as a mentor, it is Nouwen’s fearlessness that first came to his mind. As he recounted, “Henri unhesitatingly moved into my life and the risks he took only resulted in my own growth and development as a person.”
Many others testified of Nouwen’s lingering relational influence via his ministry of mentoring. Parker Palmer, the famed educator, wrote this short piece in his journal in loving memory of Henri Nouwen, his mentor and friend: “Henri’s spirit continues to call me … to more openness and vulnerability, more shared humanity and mutual healing, even—and perhaps especially—when the subject is so difficult that words seem to fail.” In depicting Nouwen’s overall mentoring impact, author Ron Rolheiser could not have phrased it better:
“By sharing his own struggles, he mentored us all, helping us to pray while not knowing how to pray, to rest while feeling restless, to be at peace while tempted, to feel safe while still anxious, to be surrounded by a cloud of light while still in darkness, and to love while still in doubt.”
Henri Nouwen was not just a mentor; he was a mentor-friend. As a mentor-friend, he offered wise guidance necessary to direct others to their own chosen path. On many occasions, Nouwen likewise functioned as a sensitive, discerning spiritual director. This final role is what we will tackle and focus on next—Nouwen as a spiritual director.
 Along with being an author and spiritual director, Wil works with the Leadership Institute in partnership with the Denver-based Spiritual Formation Alliance Network as coordinator of the Southern California Spiritual Formation Partners. He also teaches courses on the spirituality of Henri Nouwen at Fuller Theological Seminary, Haggard Graduate School of Theology at Azusa Pacific University, and the Center for Religion and Spirituality at Loyola Marymount University. You can find his two books, Henri Nouwen: A Spirituality of Imperfection and Henri Nouwen and Soul Care on Amazon. You can also visit the website he hosts called Nouwen Legacy. |
Hi Wil, thanks for giving me a foretaste of your second book through this blog. Because of this, I would really endeavor to get hold of a copy of your book. I resonate with the idea you shared that mentoring is a calling “to more openness and vulnerability.” There’s really something that comes alive within me when I visualize Henri Nouwen demonstrating that example of courage to share his own struggles. I think this lack of “shared humanity” is something that needs to be cultivated in many of our mentoring relationships in order to effectively usher people to be what they are called to be.
Great to hear from you JP! I remember with fondness my experience with the folks in your church and how they seemed to respond positively to this whole concept of companioning. I’m with you in your desire to cultivate this type of mentoring relationships in our churches and we do have a lot to learn from Nouwen’s way of doing it.
Greetings from the Philippines! We look forward to reading your second book. I do believe that we do need people like Henry Nouwen in our spiritual growth. While being a Christian basically involves a personal relationship with the Lord, yet God uses other Christians to be our spiritual guide, mentor or friend to sometimes remind us or enlighten us. It is really inspiring to know that there are persons like Nouwen who unselfishly share themselves with others with such openness that his own personal struglgles and experiences in the faith may serve as learning experiences for other Christians as well. In this busy world where even we Christians do get ensnared in a maze where we tend only to be concerned basically with our own personal lives — readng about him more or less serves as an eye opener, a means for us to slow down and examine ourselves and perhaps realize that the Lord might want to work througjh us too in the spiritual growth of those who are within our own circle of influence.
God bless!
Wil,
Of your recent blog posts, this one resonated the most deeply and stirred the most longing. While there are programs after programs out there teaching “mentorship” and “discipleship,” we live in an age that lacks true mentor-friends in the style of Nouwen. In my more despairing times, I fear he broke the mold, but then I remember that Henri pointed only to the One he loved so dearly and followed so nearly.
What is it, do you think, that has lead to this current lack of mentor-friends (if you agree that there is a lack)? How can we endeavour to be for others what we have not had ourselves? Is it as simple (and as complicated) as looking to the mentor-friend model that Christ gave us, and Nouwen followed so well?
How does a person who is wise and desiring a deepening in Christ find such a mentor-friend?
Thanks for your tireless work,
Tara
Hi Leila,
I’m always thrilled whenever I find out that folks from back home (Manila) do read Nouwen’s works. Your comment about a Christian focusing upon his/her relationship with the Lord smacks of a highly privatized, individualistic spirituality that is so common here in the West. You’re right in emphasizing that we do need “others” and their unique companioning because our journey is meant to be a communal and not a solitary one. Thanks for your comments.
Tara, thanks for your feedback and your insightful questions. I think that many of us are just now realizing that materials, curricula, programs, events, techniques, etc. alone (good as they are) are insufficient to bring about inner transformation of our lives. We need “live” companions to join us on our attempts to journey forward in Christ. While many are turning to personal therapists (and I’m not against that at all), more and more people are also reclaiming that the care and cure of souls is the primary domain of the church. To find a mentor-friend that can come alongside us would first of all require that we are in community—a healing community. I realize that that itself is hard to find these days but that’s where we start. We need to be on the lookout for mentors who are willing to give of themselves, and not merely their “expertise”, people who, in the words of Nouwen, are willing to lay down their lives for others because, in the first place, they do have a life to give to others.
I could only agree that true healing happens when one comes alongside someone, transferring not just curriculum or material, but giving of one’s life to others. Sadly, we stumble over that important element and tend to focus on how much or how well a material or content has been transferred as our success factors. I like the phrase “‘live’ companions” you mentioned. Thanks!
Thanks JP! You and I grew up in an environment where “discipleship” and mentoring was about taking people through certain hoops and once they’ve completed the steps, we eagerly pronounce them as “disciples.” What ever happened to life transferring life? That’s Nouwen’s legacy – it’s being a “fully alive human companion” on the journey!
I love the phrase “whatever happened to life transferring life”!
I have been slowly realising that this Christ-life is ALL about relationship. So obvious – yet I never really saw it. Christ re-connecting us to God’s love and to one another – so that we become part of his Church – not bricks and mortar or even theology, but a living, breathing organism held together by genuine relationship. That’s why the defining characteristic of Jesus’ followers is love… Henri Nouwen sounds like someone who really got that – & lived it.
I want to get frustrated & ask how we ever got to a place where this is no longer obvious – & real spiritual companionship seems rare – & even more, what can we do about it – but even as I ask the question, it seems to me that my part is just to learn to reach out & love others through the rough and the smooth, and that Christ will continue to build His Church, as he always has.
Anyway, my 2 cents worth – thanks for listening!
Kerry
Wow, that’s quite an insight right there Kerry! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I recall an old song we used to sing a lot in our Christian fellowship when I was in college: it’s called “People to People” – and that’s what ministry is about!
Wil,
It was a pleasure to learn from Henri and other witnesses that a mentor’s part is not just a role to fullfill but ” by sharing his own struggles he mentored us all, helping us to pray while not knowing how, to rest while feeling restless, to be at peace while tempted, to feel safe while still anxious, to be surrounded by a cloud of light while still in darkness and to love while still in doubt”. How he dared to be ‘ vulnerable, longed for a ‘ more shared humanity and mutual healing even when the subject is so difficult that words seem to fail”
In that process to wait and trust for the Spirit to come and move upon both lives….i found powerfull to discover that it is all about relationships again.
I can see Henri’s humility by this question: “How can i help you get to where you are going?” and his aim that “people might be freed to be who they were called to be”
and as a good mentor would desire to ‘ empower them to live out their true indentity and calling” after embracing it first.
How we are in need of people like Henri in mentorship, who are broken, but ‘fearless to move in others life’ and are willing to take ‘risks’.
Amen to that Sonja! To Nouwen, relationships are always uppermost. And yes, he was all about empowerment too! Thanks for tracking!
Yes, I do believe that each of us will not be able to make it through this spiritual journey without having had a good mentor or companion who would be willing to share not only thoughts and ideas but real life experiences as we continue to grow and become stronger in the faith. This may have been very easy when we were students but as we get caught in the web of life – with more adult responsibilities to attend to, we sometimes get too preoccupied with our own career and family life. Sometimes, we feel that it is enough to pray, spend some quiet time with the Lord, to follow his teachings that we may be good Christians. Everything is so fast-paced that we sometimes forget that along life’s way, God sends us people who may need us to encourage them or those whom we need to encourage us and to help us become more mature spiritually. We cannot live this life alone- it was not meant to be. Everyone needs someone – everyone needs to be needed. We each have a role to play. Maybe each one of us is somebody’s mentor-friend or spiritual companion. We just need to be sensitive to the Lord’s calling and to be more caring towards the people around us despite all the busy routines and the challenges that we have to face from day to day.
Amen to that Leila! I could not agree more. Still some Christians still nourish the illusion that they can traverse the journey by themselves until they crash. The triune God, who is the ultimate community designed all of us for community and the journey we all take is meant to be a communal one. Ministry is communal and mutual: we do need each other.Whatever happened to the “one anothering” injucntions of Paul in the New Testament: love one another, encourage one another, bear one another’s burdens, admonish one another, rebuke one another, etc. etc. Thanks Leila for underlining this reality even more!